


With You, Here

by il_miglior_fabbro



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, sorry - Freeform, this is kind of angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:30:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9583730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/il_miglior_fabbro/pseuds/il_miglior_fabbro
Summary: Jongin longs. That's all he ever does.





	

**Author's Note:**

> the switches in tenses were intentional but i think they make things a bit confusing so..  
> sorry?

When Jongin comes home, Baekhyun is in one of his Moods.

It's not particularly uncommon; Baekhyun is quick with emotion, swinging from exaggerated bonhomie to vociferous attacks in the time it takes Jongin to make a cup of tea. Jongdae says it's because he was coddled too much as a child, cherished so much that he never thought to grow out of his moody adolescent phase.

Jongin tosses his keys into the (empty) fruit bowl and shuffles forward.

"Hey hyung," He mumbles as he walks past the comatose Baekhyun. The older boy's head is firmly planted on the sofa and Jongin briefly panics, wondering if he's able to breathe or not. He communicates this to the boy with a gentle hand on his head. Baekhyun gets the message, as he always does, and sits up.

"Jongin," Baekhyun starts and Jongin internally sighs because _here we go again_ , "Do you think it's unreasonable to want to spend your birthday with your boyfriend?"

The question is rhetorical and Jongin merely shakes his head as he sits down next to Baekhyun on the sofa. "What did Chanyeol do this time?" Jongin questions softly, because he knows that's what Baekhyun wants to hear. It triggers a longwinded rant but Jongin had known that when he'd asked the question and so he has no one to blame but himself.

Baekhyun's rough voice fills Jongin's ears as he complains about Chanyeol's busy schedule (pre-med is busy? who would have imagined?) and his mind begins to wander. He gazes at the TV, which reflects their bodies and Jongin finds himself ruminating over their differences.

Baekhyun's hair is a faded blonde, a result of a failed bet with Sehun. Jongin's hair is dark now; he'd stopped dying it a long time ago when he'd realised that he had neither the patience nor the care to maintain hair past the occasional shampoo-and-conditioner.

Where Jongin's body is long, sprawled out and lean, Baekhyun's is petite, knees pulled up and gathered close.

Baekhyun's skin is fair. Jongin's is, not (as he has been reminded a hundred times by Baekhyun and Jongdae aka the (not so) ugly stepsisters of Jongin's life.

It doesn't just stop there. Their physical differences are reflected in their manners, their personalities, their attitudes. Minseok, every time he came over with Luhan (because really, the two are inseparable) would comment on how weird it was that they were such close friends.

It's kind of annoying how everything came back to that with Minseok and Luhan.

"You guys just don't match up, like you're so different? It's like chicken with yoghurt." Luhan, with his usual lack of decorum, had commented once.

Baekhyun had snorted and gone back to his latest story about Jongdae and his Failures, completely unaffected by the remark. Jongin couldn't move on. And that itself, was perhaps a testament to how different they truly were.

That's why when Baekhyun had gotten together with Chanyeol, Jongin hadn't said anything. Even when Kyungsoo had stared at him with _Those Eyes_ and Joonmyun had tried to tell him to make a move with long-winded and confusing metaphors about trees and Sehun had stopped his video gaming to give Jongin a brief but significant "Man Up."

Because, really, what could he offer? Baekhyun was always allusive. His personality was a carefully studied mask of fake cheer and distracting jokes which had taken Jongin years to see past.

Baekhyun had always just been Kyungsoo's happy but somewhat pretentious friend until one day he'd smiled, genuinely and openly, at Jongin. And his heart had quickened, slowly first and then rapidly, all at once.

Then, things had changed.

He had started to notice Baekhyun; had begun categorising little things and quirks into a profile for who Baekhyun really was. The way he smiled when he was upset but didn't want anyone to notice; crooked and sharp and kind of condescending. The way he combed back his hair and complained about it getting too long but never actually went to the hairdressers until Zitao dragged him there. His long, pretty hands and the way they tapped every surface possible; tunes and melodies that Jongin could never decipher but had learned would foretell the mood he was in. Slow, dragging taps when he was tired. Quick, jumping taps when he was nervous. Repetitive, rhythmic taps when he was feeling impatient.

Jongin became fixated.

When he'd been young, he'd had an addiction to crime novels (brought on by the horrible wifi and general slowness of his childhood's neighbourhood).

He figures it must have transferred onto Baekhyun; the late nights spent reading Agatha Christie turning him into a detective, his enigma being Baekhyun.

He's brought back to the present when Baekhyun nudges him sharply in the ribs.

"Hey, Jongin, are you even listening?" Baekhyun demands, his tone annoyed. Jongin winces and rubs at his stomach. There has to be a permanent bruise there from the amount of times his ribs have been branded by Baekhyun's bony elbow. He tells Baekhyun this. Baekhyun rolls his eyes and gets up.

"I'm making some coffee," He announces grandly, "I suppose you want me to make you some peppermint tea?"

"Yes, please," Jongin says, leaning back into the leathery softness of the sofa. His thoughts whirl inside his head, unrelenting in the way they make him lose his focus.

Baekhyun hums in acknowledgement.

Jongin thinks about Chanyeol, with his big ears and loud personality. His first impression of him had been a goofy, kind of stupid guy. Boy, had he been wrong.

It was always the most talkative people who were the sharpest. For all his life he'd thought it was the opposite. Boy, had he been wrong.

Chanyeol was quick; remarkably so when it came to understanding and picking up things. He had a plethora of hobbies from things as obscure as whittling birds for orphans to something as obnoxious as having to do the Sudoku everyday. His enthusiasm never seemed to die and he thrived in social settings. He could get away with almost anything, with a persuasive comment and a quick grin.

Baekhyun was similar, though he didn't seem to have any interest in trying out new things. In fact, Baekhyun only ever did things if they were necessary. But when he did them, he did them damn well. He would do an all-nighter before an exam and excel, getting top marks. In summary, he was the type of person Kyungsoo hated.

He also had a terrifying way of figuring out people's weaknesses and exploiting them when he got upset with them. It was the one thing about Baekhyun that Jongin could not find admiration in. The look in Baekhyun's eyes when he would try to figure someone out; coldly assiduous and sharply curious. It made Jongin feel distant from Baekhyun; like he didn't understand him. Like he didn't actually know him.

Baekhyun waves a hand in front of Jongin's eyes as he sits down next to him. Jongin blinks and turns to him. Baekhyun's eyes are squinted and he is gazing at him with confusion. "You're even more daydreamy than normal, Jonginnie."

"Sorry." Jongin replies and takes the peppermint tea from Baekhyun's hands.

"I wasn't asking for an apology," Baekhyun smiles, "but perhaps an explanation would be in order?"

"I was just thinking." Jongin says plainly.

"Mmm," Baekhyun says as he takes a sip, "you think too much."

"You think too little." The words are out automatically and Baekhyun grins wickedly at him. Jongin blushes. "Sorry, hyung."

"You don't need to apologise." Baekhyun repeats.

Jongin curls his hands around the mug of tea, gripping it so that his knuckles turn white. His palms must be turning red from the heat. The contrast makes Jongin smile.

"You," He says, "you and Chanyeol complement each other well. Things will be fine with both of you."

He means it even though he hates himself for saying it.

Both of them, with their pretenses and masks and fake words but sincere smiles. Both of them with their bright grins and clever remarks. Both of them with their sociability and ability to make people like them easily.

Both of them. Baekhyun and Chanyeol. Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

He wishes that they didn't work well together but they do. Jongin, with his easily hurt eyes and incessant mumbling and quiet passions and inability to carry on conversations past remarks about the weather. He...

He doesn't stand a chance. He never has.

His grip tightens as Baekhyun turns, looking perplexed by the sudden comment. "Thanks, Jongin." He says quietly, a small smile on his face. Jongin smiles back hoping that it's at least half as sincere and bright as Baekhyun's.

His grip loosens. It's fine, he tells himself. As long as he has this: Baekhyun next to him with a cup of coffee and a trusting smile, Baekhyun with messy hair and a loud laugh,

as long as he has _something_ , he can deal with it.

He can deal with loving Baekhyun.

He can deal with Baekhyun not knowing, not loving him back.

He can deal with all of it.

 


End file.
